Do you need this? Will it help you? Only you can decide after you take a few moments. So read on.
I often get asked how did I turn my life around, what was it for me, you know that moment when the penny drops, that lightbulb moment, crying out eureka at the top of your lungs.
My defining moment came when I talked with a much older and much more worldly-wise man than myself. Back then I was battling everything and everybody. I’d lost a child to miscarriage and then found out I had a son that I have never ever met. My life was a spiral. I was never a violent person and never spent time in prison, it was nothing of that nature, I did have one or two brushes with the police down to my inability to understand people and the life going on around me. Obviously, I had no idea in years to come I would be diagnosed with Autism which would answer many of the reasons why my life was chaotic and at the point of implosion.
I was seriously lost and the bad choices kept coming one after the other. Jobs came and went and so did the women. The toxic relationships and even the good ones were all destroyed. I refused to let anyone close to me as I had lost so much and for me security was arms length away. That worked for me but not for the relationships I was in. Looking back, understandably so, I have to take shared responsibility and in some cases all of it.
Something had to give and soon. I had been physically and mentally abused by my step mum from as young as I remember. She took all my confidence and playfulness that a child should have I became nothing more than a shadow of myself. As a child you should have freedom and fun life should be exciting and amazing. for me life was just days of standing or sitting in silence. losing the ability to speak saying the words over and over in my head for hours same sentence. Imagine being too scared to speak.
One day I was chatting to a remarkable man who would always tell a great story and lived the most amazing life he was a family friend and in some ways a father figure in my childhood I hung on his wisdom and stories. Looking back some may have been tall tales but as a child, I was in awe. Years later totally out of the blue I spotted him in a well known department store, I casually walked over and within moments it was like stepping back 30 odd years to being a child. He asked me how I was and where life had taken me. To be honest I think he already knew and maybe was testing me to see if I told the truth or stretched it to within an inch of its life. The thing was I had so much respect for him I could only tell the truth and in that moment my life changed for ever.
Being truthful is such a simplistic beautiful thing that is available to every human on the planet. Yet it is so underused it has the potential to solve many of the worlds problems and the daily challenges we all face yet we stifle and load it with clutter so it’s too difficult to see.
I really don`t want to name this person so I will give him the name Joe. After I had spent what would have been half an hour chatting Joe smiled then broke into a laugh his head tipped back soon he looked straight at me and spoke he said Steven, he never called me Steve lets have a sit down.
Stirring his coffee he looked up and said the following this has stayed with me to this day and it will continue to stay with me until I die.
Life can offer you 2 things Hope and Opportunity, No one owes you anything or owes you an answer to anything, and the only limits you have are those that you put in your own way.
Just STOP read that over and over and over and over and over. OK if we want to be pedantic life can offer you many more things however without the Hope and Opportunity and with self limiting beliefs those things are not accessible unless you are given them or take them without earing them? True?
That moment was my Big Fish, White Whale, Tsunami moment. That was the day I started to view life differently. If you can accept that despite what you may think that you deserve an answer to something, actually you don`t. Its choice if someone is willing to answer a question you ask. If they decline no amount of protestation, coercion or anger can change that persons choice. It’s called having a free will. It is the same when it comes to being owed a life. In most cases the life you get is the life you choose. For many of us we fail to realise the potential we have we question our own ability and fear failure so we choose not to try. Telling ourselves we are happy with our lot. When you truly understand the statement,
Life can offer you 2 things Hope and Opportunity, No one owes you anything or owes you an answer to anything, and the only limits you have are those that you put in your own way.
You can apply it in so many ways. It doesn’t just means an answer to hello how are you? or why did you do that? and not getting an answer it’s much deeper and it applies to everything we do. It means if we treat people properly if we hold people in a high regard, Be a good person regardless of who is good or bad towards you and continue to do so. You will be more likely than not to thrive progress and grow. Getting there through effort and good conscience instead of trampling people out of the way.
Remember earlier being truthful well now its time to take its coat off and be bloody truthful. You manufacture your own future. That can be Work, Home, Love, Family, whatever it means to you. Why settle for the Mole hill when the whole Mountain is there to conquer. Go after the things you deserve that make you happy. Do not apologise for wanting a better life. Shed the things that hold you back, Negative people, Dead relationships, False Friends, Stale employment, SOCIAL MEDIA yes its in capitols Social media is all consuming it shows false fake vision of reality. The only example I can give you on this is imagine 2 eggs one is rotten and one is not. The outsides look identical give them a crack look inside then the true stench will tell you the rotten one. (Do you get it yet?)
Take a look at your life! where you came from? Where you are now? Where you are heading? What does your future mean for you? What is involved? How would you like to get there? How long will it take? Which people are you shedding? Which people are you taking along? Is stagnation truly enough for you? Do you want or deserve more?
Strive for change, a positive change, new hobbies and pursuits, better friends, new love, new job, accept new challenges, take a risk, believe in yourself. You are amazing. Think and be positive. Your new life is in your hands and it can start right this second. Yes you read that right your new life can begin this very second. Make your choice go out and Manufacture the future you deserve for you or your family.
For me I took the opportunity to change. I made life altering decisions that now allows me to help others and its the greatest job in the world. I have ticked my boxes I have achieved the things I set out to, well nearly all. I now need to find Love. I’ve been ready for it for a while now so I will hopefully meet someone who I can share life and its opportunities. There is no better feeling than being the most important person in a persons world where you only have eyes for each other and the hugs are electric.
Just because I have reached my desired goals and believe me, I never even thought I was capable of getting there does not mean I will stop. I will set new ones. Is there a ceiling? I imagine there is but for most people like you and I that ceiling is a long way off.
The other thing that puts people off is fear of falling short, do not be afraid to fail. Most of the successful people I know and some of my clients have all failed before they succeeded. Failure is only ever one step closer to success so in my find failure is the first step to success.
I used to sit and wonder about my reputation as a person from my past and how I was judged back then in my formative years. I made my peace that despite what people may assume and that is all it is assumption. Anyone who want to know about me, really wants to know about me will take the time to get to know me as I will them. They will see the adversity I have endured and the positive changes, the better choices, more positive outcomes and how I went from someone who for in all intense and purposes on the edge of being a lost cause to someone who is now in total control of their life and sailing a really steady course with a gentle wind behind me. It took time to get there I had to unlearn and relearn so many things It took patience and practice. It was a total turnaround of who I was before to who I am now. Essentially I am the same person, I have just learned to look at life differently Think before I act. not rush in. evaluate the situation, realise other people have things in their life that I cannot see or know. I have learned to value others. I listen to understand not listen to ignore.
It is possible to change for the better. It will not be handed to you on a plate but with hope and desire you can manufacture the life you deserve.
So there it is will this be something you want to change in your life? I want to look back knowing 3 things. Firstly I made the most of my short time on the planet. Second I found Love that was meaningful. Thirdly I helped people rebuild from wherever they were to a platform that could spring them forward to do all the above.